Friday, October 5th, 2001
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10:31 pm - crack.
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thats my heart cracking in two. well, i knew it was never going to happen. but... i'm sorta... heartbroken... and i really shouldn't be since there was nothing there in the first place..
current mood:  sad
current music: Yoko Kanno - Moon
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, August 24th, 2001
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10:04 pm - hiya
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lets see, no one reads this anymore and i'm really bored. blah blah, blah blah blah blah. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. me and my online "sweetheart" (we play around, nothing too serious, and it's great fun. trust me, i'm not as sick as i sound.) i had to explain to him all this stuff, and it was hilarious because he was so horny and i kept teasing him... he must hate me for it right now... anyway. junior year is going to be tough. i have 8 classes (the norm is 6) and in at least 4 of them i get homework every day. and then there is my ap european history - which has 4 books, a text book of about 1000 pages, a study book thats 598, and 2 work books that are at least 500 pages each. great fun eh? i'm doing it all for the college credit (i also like this sort of stuff.. but not taking ap tests on it) - less i have to pay for when i get there, and another course i can take that i want to take. so then yeah. early american lit should be easy, i have no problem w/ that except the teacher - she treats us like kindergardeners, so i let my mouth get carried away with me too much... timmy and i sit at the side of the class and laugh basically the entire class, and then there is tom and john (a hot new kid) and i sit and make faces at them - tom started it!! but anyway. i have no reason to be online right now. bye.
current mood:  horny
current music: Paula Cole - Chiaroscuro
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, June 10th, 2001
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4:21 pm - *waves hand*
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still alive. but.. online journals.. i just don't like them. i have a writing one that suits me fine. so.. i'm off.. it's summer, i don't know how much or how little i'll be online. but it's all good.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, April 8th, 2001
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3:43 pm - nice.
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it's really nice, when you have friends, and you know you'll always stay friends... so when they do something where everyone thinks "OoooOOoohhh.. so they finally are a couple!" you don't have any feelings or second thoughts. my best friend and i were sitting on the steps in church (there were no pews left) and i was reading my book during the sermon, and he put his head down in my lap. i started petting his hair (cause i've found that all the guys i know love their hair being petted and played with) i so petted him for 10 minutes and he fell asleep in my lap. it was so cute, though my sister was a bit scared! i've gotta do homework and wash.
current mood:  content
current music: Gary Wright - Dreamweaver
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, March 31st, 2001
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10:33 pm - people who listen.
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i just realized how little people actually listen to me. i'm always the listener. and i'm kind of sick of it, but then i realize if i had the chance to say something, would i have anything to say? and that makes me feel shallow and more insecure than i already am.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, March 25th, 2001
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4:43 pm - cold
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it's really cold outside. i figured i should write something. writing an origin story that makes sense is harder than you'd think.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, March 15th, 2001
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10:28 pm - weird
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my friend has been acting weird this past week. i want to know whats wrong. but it's really none of my business. but it IS my business.. it's her and i, and 2 other guys that are like this tight group... so i wanna know.. but i don't really want to make her feel forced. so if she doesn't tell me tomorrow, i'll ask her on saturday.
current mood:  confused
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, March 11th, 2001
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9:05 pm - weekend
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oh this weekend was kinda fun. friday we got out of school early.. i had none of my acedemic classes, that was nice. went to the girls basketball game (they went to state) and played in the pep band.. they won that one, but people deserved an ass kicking (our fans). so then i went to my friends house.. and i've never gotten to drunk in my life. i really didn't think i'd get that drunk.. whoaaaaa.. way wrong, that was so much fun. then saturday i got up (i slept over) and went to the final game of the tournament, we lost that one.. and then i came home to having 10 cars in my driveway (my sister's b-day) my cousins are cool.. i'm going to go partying w/ one of them on the 24th.. and then today we slept in and went to church and went shopping.. i got SUPER cute undies.. i don't get cute undies a lot, so not i have a bunch cuz everything was on sale :) sparkly moons and stars... they are so cute.. ok thats enough. sleep is lovely.
current mood: calm
current music: Jars Of Clay - Flood
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(comment on this)
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Friday, March 2nd, 2001
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10:10 pm - well then
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yeah, so we played at a pep band in waukesha... we won.. but on the way home i got sad. because my best friends were sitting there cuddling and kissing, and it makes my heart hurt to watch them. i mean, i'm so happy for them that they found eachother.. just wish i would have found him. wow, i make myself sick. but god, i have great friends. bry is such a sweetheart. (i feel he deserves recognition, thats why i said his name.) my house is like way out of the way for him, and he's always offering my rides home/to places, taking me out to movies. he's such a gentleman, mean, he holds doors for me, and when i run in to pay for my own movie ticket he slips the money back into my coat pocket (which i still don't forgive him for!). so when i was on the bus today and my friends were cuddling, he saw i was sad and i cuddled w/ him. he's got his old sparkle back.. it was so faded (he's so sick, and he's getting over it right now) his eyes dance now, it's so cool.. what i'm so used to. i really like his eyes. i'd so date him in a heartbeat. he'd date me too. he even told me that. but in the way "god susie, i wish you were a man! i'd date you in a second!" .. yeah.. i wish he wasn't gay now.. i realizing that now, since he's like the only decent person around besides the other one who got taken (well.. i let her..). so i'll just live it up... too bad he graduatees this year *cries* i'll be SO lonely then.. god damn o.O; i need a new crush NOW.
current music: Fuel - Hemorrhage (In My Hands)
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, March 1st, 2001
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9:41 pm - pictures
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everyones been giving me pictures lately. of memories not forgotten but soiled by days that were unimportant. i try not to remember bad days as much as i can. but bad days build character, right?
current mood:  blah
current music: guns n' roses - paradise city
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 27th, 2001
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8:49 pm - i'm actually smiling.
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i'm in a good mood. this never happens. i went to my friends after school.. we talked.. that was all cool.. went to pep band.. came home. checked e-mail. there i had this message:
Hey Susie,
Just wanted to say hi. I needed to tell you thank you for being you. I
know we're not extremely close or anything, but I like you as a person, and you
are so far beyond everyone else, because I hate them. Most of them anyways. So
just letting you know that you're important to me. Probably wouldn't survive
lunch without you. Talk to you later.
and i re-read it. about 5 times. no ones ever complimented me (for no apparent triggered reason) that much before. and if you knew this guy, this is one of the biggest compliments he can give. besides letting his walls down for someone, this is the closest thing. and i used to like him (he's in love w/ someone else). i'm so... happy.. what a feeling..
current mood:  happy
current music: Our Lady Peace - Middle of Yesterday
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, February 26th, 2001
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6:25 pm - i hate ms. sendzik
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so she gives us a project and doesn't explain it at ALL. she says thing like "i forgot, what was newton's 2nd law, even though i just said it 5 seconds ago?" and every time you answer something she gives you a blank look and then says "are you sure? really? does anyone else agree w/ *insert name*" arg.. i hate how she teaches. i'd rather have mr. krall *shivers and runs* he's my chem teacher next year... supposedly he's horrible too. whats with this?! i only have 2 teachers i actually like and could hold an intelligent conversation w/ w/o insulting their teaching abilites. yikes.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: 4 am - Our Lady Peace
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 25th, 2001
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9:48 pm - oi
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my dad and i keep getting into conversations about einstien.. cause of a project thats due on tuesday that i haven't started.. thats probably not good. i'm going to attempt to go to bed now. bai.
current mood:  tired
current music: The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You
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(comment on this)
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3:35 pm - doodles
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i'm doodling.. i love to doodle.. it's fun... and the new Our Lady Peace cd comes out march 6.. everyone go buy it.. it's not nearly as bad as their last one..
current music: monty python - spam
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, February 24th, 2001
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11:56 pm - by the way
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i'll catch you is a song my friend just made me listen to a couple hours ago.. and it's been on repeat ever since (the entry before i was getting the mp3)
current music: The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You
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(comment on this)
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11:27 pm - i'll catch you
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i'm so tired, that when i was talking w/ my friend i was psycho-babbling... or actually meloncholy-babbling is you can do that. i'm really rather sad... every time an oppotunity presents itself it gets taken from me.. all i need is time. i'm glad i have a couple friends who are actually concerned.. "hey, are you ok? you seem kinda depressed.." thats what i was *just* asked.. ugh.. he makes me think and he makes me happy. we have fun. i'm so happy i'm not still in love w/ him. although maybe i'm in denial. but that doesn't matter anyway, he's got someone. he loves her. it's always been like that.. i'm the kind, supportive friend who helps people through all their problems.. listens to everyone and everything.. but people refuse to love me. and i don't understand.. therefor i just sit there and continue to be nice. it's worked.. putting my mind on other peoples problems and helping them find answers keeps my mind from being lonely. doesn't work all the time though. i'm done now. don't worry, i'll catch you.
current mood: sad
current music: Staind - Black Rain
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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1:38 pm - err.. hiya
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i haven't been home to turn on my computer.. what a great feeling, makes me feel like i have a life. i'm kinda sad though, because i have to be at school at 4:30 to get to a jazz gig and set up.. gig starts at 6 and no ones allowed to come but the people invited to the party, or whatever it is, and therefor, i can't see my bud from port. hopefully they'll (meaning him and his family) will still be here when i get home at 7:30.. but i never get to see him except sundays at church and we never talk then anymore b/c we have confirmation -.- which completely BLOWS may i add.. it's like going to school and taking AP European History on a weekend. i also hate going to church but thats a different story. i'll rant about that some other time maybe. i have to finish cleaning the house and doing wash. bye.
current mood:  busy
current music: Twisted Sister - Come On Feel The Noise
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 21st, 2001
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9:59 pm - elton john & eminem
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weird. just weird. that thats to the day the only eminem song i can actually listen to w/o having to leave the room. i'm going to stare at the ceiling now. i'm cold.
current mood:  blank
current music: Cagnet - Under The Moonlight ~Original Mix~
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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9:49 pm - how did i get here?
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so i wound up with another program.. we'll see how it grows on me. my friend tells me that it's crack thats not bad for you. probably relieves a lot of stress *double blinks* hell, it's nice to have another place to bitch because people are always bitch to me or at me.. never bitch back, just not my place.. so i'm just waiting so that i can watch eminem and elton john. i want to see what they come up with, even though i hate both their music and i only respect only one (that being elton john).. thats an issue i'll get into some other time!
current mood: mellow
current music: 3 Doors Down - Duck and Run
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misao's journal